About dusts in my eyes and home

Where does one belong?.
I wonder if anyone has ever felt detachment and attachment at the same time. A chemical balance so out of equilibrium that sometimes one feels happily unhappy and unhappily happy. A mind so conditioned with the unhappiness and suffering, real and imagined (I suppose), that it does not know when and how to experience what. An overflow of emotions that makes actions and thoughts aligned in the quickest pursuit of happiness or rolling down a highway to self destruction. Family and friends do hold and help one keep grounded but what about the hollow space in their absence?- stabbing jolts of pain with constant throbbing from dawn to dusk, as if the ghosts of punishments from past lives are having a carnival in ode to one’s sorrow.
Learning to be stoic is not an answer and can never be learned anyway. Even if it were possible it would take away the very essence of our presence in this world. We were meant to suffer and to make others suffer, as designed by the divine plan of the divine friend upstairs. Stumbling tragic comics trying to make sense of our lives and only seeing ahead, not really knowing that there are laughs behind while we only try to see the smiles in front. Bereft of real intelligence of which we are given in quotas, we grovel along like worms with perceived views from above.
It’s an insane world and the best way to combat it is insanity. Thinking about it there is no way out (if one would want to skip along this path of the living), perhaps the best way would be to find an insane partner and fight this insane world with double insanity, a childlike insanity. Maybe that is what is Home! A Goa in the sky with lullabies from a thousand diamondback rattles.