Saturday, January 16, 2010

About dusts in my eyes and home

Where does one belong?.
I wonder if anyone has ever felt detachment and attachment at the same time. A chemical balance so out of equilibrium that sometimes one feels happily unhappy and unhappily happy. A mind so conditioned with the unhappiness and suffering, real and imagined (I suppose), that it does not know when and how to experience what. An overflow of emotions that makes actions and thoughts aligned in the quickest pursuit of happiness or rolling down a highway to self destruction. Family and friends do hold and help one keep grounded but what about the hollow space in their absence?- stabbing jolts of pain with constant throbbing from dawn to dusk, as if the ghosts of punishments from past lives are having a carnival in ode to one’s sorrow.
Learning to be stoic is not an answer and can never be learned anyway. Even if it were possible it would take away the very essence of our presence in this world. We were meant to suffer and to make others suffer, as designed by the divine plan of the divine friend upstairs. Stumbling tragic comics trying to make sense of our lives and only seeing ahead, not really knowing that there are laughs behind while we only try to see the smiles in front. Bereft of real intelligence of which we are given in quotas, we grovel along like worms with perceived views from above.
It’s an insane world and the best way to combat it is insanity. Thinking about it there is no way out (if one would want to skip along this path of the living), perhaps the best way would be to find an insane partner and fight this insane world with double insanity, a childlike insanity. Maybe that is what is Home! A Goa in the sky with lullabies from a thousand diamondback rattles.


  1. .... nt sure wat u exactly ment by -We were meant to suffer and to make others suffer ...or the point wr u mention abt the destiny charted by the unseen forces!!! couldent really conenct with the thought... m not an atheist.. m neutral.. completly agree with insanity part... cheers!

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. seems to be kind of a suffering with sadness being more than happiness, this is what i meant by meant to suffer. As humans we have this inherent sadistic streak in us to make friends, family, people we know etc suffer at one time or the other, knowingly or unknowingly. This is what i meant by to make others suffer.

    What i believe about life is that one's fate is already charted by God (or the force as in Star Wars and how you progress depends on your choices and actions. Destiny is not a straight path like a highway but like many parallel roads in one direction converging at some points. Some of these roads are good and some bad, it depends on you which one to take. However even if one takes a worng road we are given another chance at those points i mentioned to take other roads/choices. At the end there are only two forks where one cannot make a choice anymore. This is where you are judged for all the right or wrong roads that you have taken and sent to Heaven or Hell or reborn as an animal or human, depending on your religous beliefs. Atheists jsut die..ha ha

  4. athist do die.. but they die in peace :)
    compared to the majority of deceived and brainwashed in the world who believe in[heaven and hel]!! athist or neutral dont belvie or depend on "destiny" to show them light;
    and forks to poke them and choose the right!

    they design and end with peace not blaming their situational highs[family,happiness,moods,life in genral] around them or pushing themselves to opt for the choices;to face the unknown at the end...

    guess dont really agree with this post...but each to his/her own...

  5. Yes to each his own. Let us agree to disagree

  6. And in times of trouble it is better to have faith in a higher power than to suffer alone!...don't you agree?

  7. each his own. Let us agree to disagree zualbonez.... i would rather suffer alone then to comfort myself in void with nothingness;would rather have faith in myself !
    [how do u pronounce your name! or is zualbonez some word like zulu tribe with bones or something??]

    but ya when Grey u might find solace in unknown hope... dosent work for me... each 2 his own....

  8. Kitty....if you do not belief in void with nothingness i'm sure you have comfort with some living being of flesh and

    zualbonez goes back a lot of years...just a childish combination of my mid name zuala and a rap group 'bone thugs and harmony' from the east cost..and yeah some friends call me zulu as in zulu

  9. hi zulu!!
    bone thugs and harmony is a decent band..guess we underestimate ohio?dint know they r 4om east!if we are referring to the same band!!was close to decoding ur name..!!

    i stand alone..!! i dont believe in [cushion and backups ]some living being of flesh and blood!lol!have made peace with life this way...
    no dependency on living,dead,or astral... or of any form

    il stand for my action and death... and i dont repent a thing!!but then that's just me... its comforting to cry and laugh in front of certain someone[god or flash type lol]...!but i can stand in front of mirror and feel the same i guess! thats just me...

    majority of ple i know might agree with you!

  10. so you want to start calling me zulu too..ehe. And your real name is kitty right?

    yes we are referring to the same band and you are right. But their inclination was towards eastcoast and they had many collaborations with artists from there, that is why i said east coast. c'mon they are more than decent...!

    All i got to say is that you are pretty strong if you can stand alone!. Invictus huh...beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid. it matters not how strait the gate or how charged with punishments the scroll, i am the master of my fate i am the capotain of my soul.

  11. ola Zulu...
    zulu is an interesting name.. not sure abt bonez:)lol
    m named after hello kitty the famous Japanese animation by Sanrio!
    Invictus indeed!...