Guano and copper from Chile. Beef from Argentina, Brazil and Australia fed on fodder crops grown after clearance of forest land. Diamonds and blood diamonds from Africa. Hardwood from the equatorial and tropical forests of the under-developing and developing world. Oil from the Middle East . Wool from New Zealand from pasture fed Sheeps. Metals and minerals from the grounds of Asian and African countries. Immigrants from the developing world. Gas from Central Asia. Cotton from Egypt. Bananas from the Banana republics. Most gone to adorn the bodies, bellies, homes, offices, infrastructure, vehicles in Europe and North America. I sometimes wonder if the balance of mass and weight of the globe would be maintained in equilibrium with the transfer of so much mass to one region of the world. If not would the Earth tilt over or rotate elliptically? …LOL
Disclaimer: What I wrote is not influenced by the movie 2012
Where does one belong?. I wonder if anyone has ever felt detachment and attachment at the same time. A chemical balance so out of equilibrium that sometimes one feels happily unhappy and unhappily happy. A mind so conditioned with the unhappiness and suffering, real and imagined (I suppose), that it does not know when and how to experience what. An overflow of emotions that makes actions and thoughts aligned in the quickest pursuit of happiness or rolling down a highway to self destruction. Family and friends do hold and help one keep grounded but what about the hollow space in their absence?- stabbing jolts of pain with constant throbbing from dawn to dusk, as if the ghosts of punishments from past lives are having a carnival in ode to one’s sorrow. Learning to be stoic is not an answer and can never be learned anyway. Even if it were possible it would take away the very essence of our presence in this world. We were meant to suffer and to make others suffer, as designed by the divine plan of the divine friend upstairs. Stumbling tragic comics trying to make sense of our lives and only seeing ahead, not really knowing that there are laughs behind while we only try to see the smiles in front. Bereft of real intelligence of which we are given in quotas, we grovel along like worms with perceived views from above. It’s an insane world and the best way to combat it is insanity. Thinking about it there is no way out (if one would want to skip along this path of the living), perhaps the best way would be to find an insane partner and fight this insane world with double insanity, a childlike insanity. Maybe that is what is Home! A Goa in the sky with lullabies from a thousand diamondback rattles.
We all live in our own worlds, creating walls which encircle us and are hard to break down. Our citadels are our bastions of wretchedness where we hardly let the omnipresent rays of joy shine through. A top view as of today i.e the 18th day of September 2009, would reveal roughly 6.785 billion such citadels in a vast plain of emptiness with the broken down bricks and mortar of citadels long gone.
Sometimes an enlightening effort would bring some of these citadels together and a restructuring would take place but nevertheless the end would just be another bigger citadel.
We all want to reach out but are afraid due to many reasons. Life's illogical and irrational behavior teaches us a hide and seek game which makes our lives bereft of logic and rationality. We subjectively end up time and again with building our walls higher and higher not really knowing that the answer lies in the the horizontal and not the vertical. Vertical towers of babels where a few lead lives of confusion and where the few mouths confuse the ears and the minds with voices from a thousand tongues. Our walls are built so strong that the rot corrupts all that is within and sanity takes a beating which more than desired leads to the temporary bubbles of stars and dreams akin to the ones puffed up with Marijuana smoke. But such are as transient as the Marijuana jokes, powerfully strong but gone the next minute.
Lives made so pathetic because our circuit boards have been printed to deceive and be deceived. .....And we are all guilty as hell!
Space space space again……….. What do I write about?, Should I write about the pain and the lack of gain with not a morsel of grain, however emo it may sound. Kind of rhymes though.
So here it goes again. In days of yore sailors would wait in anticipation for their ship to dock after months of voyage and as soon as the ship hit the wood on the buoy and the anchors drop, these fine boys would disappear off into the maze of houses and alleys. The captain and first mate would invariably look the other way as they allow the sailors their hours of debauchery. One would unfailingly find these sailors in the taverns and whorehouses drinking with face deeply buried in tankards of fermented liquid or on ripe and sometimes overripe/rotten pieces of bosoms or alternating between the two. As the hours go by some would find rooms for their temporary comfort and the less discreet ones would do it out on the alleys. For the next few hours, all the months of backbreaking work on the ship with the occasional taste of the captain’s whip and the worm infested food are forgotten. Moments of bliss are spent as the scurvy infected unwashed bodies try to get the maximum that their money can buy of the comfort offered by the ladies of undoubtedly questionable characters. For the few moments bought the fairer bodies offer the comforts of wives and lovers. Even today the practice still carries on from the filthy wharves of the third world to the glitzy and sleazy streets of Holland where such exchanges takes place openly and legally condoned. For the prudish and the morally upright not just the act but the thought of such transactions is one that brings shame and a feeling of filth and unpardonable sin. However on a deeper note one has to understand that there is a perfect understanding between buyer and seller which does not normally stretch beyond, with the transaction being my comfort for your comfort. The seller offers the comfort of her body and the buyer the comforts that his money can purchase for the seller (Of course this is a definition sidelining a few of the evils like child prostitution, human trafficking etc. and assessing the situation objectively). Apart from a few moral laments and the thought of a lake of fire and brimstone, what needs to be appreciated is that such exchanges are done with the utmost honesty. My temporary comfort in exchange for your temporary comfort and the matter ends there. Loyalty, trust, in sickness and in health etc. are all absent which suits the situation very well. Compare this with the hurt that one gets when one finds out that he/she has been cheated, lied to, emotionally kidnapped, manipulated and used. This is in the case of a normal relationship where it is expected to cherish and be cherished and respected. Life becomes a misery when it hits you that you have been played. The hollowness and the sense of emptiness become so big as if to suck all the infinite unhappiness of the world to fill in the void. Imagine what the other person must have thought about while doing what was done to you!. Your sense of betrayal is overpowering and your self respect takes a dump and every single waking moment is spent in trying to drag yourself forward and existence becomes a punishment. And every moment that should be spent sleeping is spent in hollowed waking moments.
In ode to betrayal here is a song from one of my favorite bands, Crowbar:
I gave my heart and soul to you my friend
You let me fall
If you could only see what's in my heart
You'd take my hand
I've lived this life as a man would do
Why's it so hard to find the truth?
My faith is strong within myself
I bleed of pride
Inside
I won't forgive
You can't take it back now
It's to hard to swallow
No words
No conviction
I've found the truth inside myself
But I am still doing time
Opened my eyes to what is real
This world is hard
It's cold
It's agony
